Now that I have your attention I want to talk to you about the current cultural obsession with sex and the lies that abound today. If mass marketing commercials are to believed everyone is doing it! Your Mama and Papa are doing it, your Grandmom and Grandpop are doing it, your friends are doing it and so you must do it too! Well I am here to say one thing of truth….I am not having sex and haven’t for at least eight years! I want you to know that there are in fact many of us who are NOT doing it and we are happy, we are healthy, and it is time for us to stand up and tell the truth about our celibate lives.
I was married for about thirty-four years and I enjoyed sex within the bounds of marriage. As a single woman I am not sexually active. I asked God to remove those feelings from me and my prayers were answered. So many people in the midst of divorce or after a divorce succumb to the first of many lies from the enemy that we need to have sex to be healthy, to feel attractive, and to seek revenge upon the person who we used to be married to. What a bunch of lies.
I want all of you to understand that a clear conscience is so much more enjoyable than regret. I have no regrets in my behavior during and after the divorce. I conducted myself as a Christian woman should and did not lose my reputation or compromise my beliefs. One of the benefits of living a life of honor was a comment my Mother said to me in the days before she passed away. She was preparing me for her death, I see that now, and she said that she was so thankful that I had not done as so many divorcees and run around hopping into every bed that was available to me. She said that she was thankful that I had lived a life of honor and kept myself pure. She said that she was thankful I had not embarrassed her. I told her that her teaching to me through example and through her life of purity had been lessons I remembered and thanked her for being such a great role model to me.
I was fortunate to have many role models of how a Christian woman should conduct her life after marriage ended. Granted many of the women I observed and learned from were widows and not divorcees but their lifestyles were impressive none the less. The first thing I noticed is that they grieved deeply and they had times of loneliness as well. They didn’t drown their sorrows in alcohol or drugs though; they just endured and continued living their lives as productively after they lost their spouse as before. Watching aunts, grandmas, and cousins live through death of a spouse helped me to know how to conduct myself after divorce. Loving someone for so long is passionate but when that person is gone passion shifts from self and partner to God. I saw these wonderful women dig into the Bible for comfort, to gain comfort from other Christian women and to gain support from family as well as friends. They didn’t need a man to be happy in their widowhood which helped me to see that I didn’t need a man to be happy after divorce.
Our culture speaks volumes about sex but much of what is said is not accurate. A life of celibacy is healthy and not abnormal but you don’t hear that these days. I believe that if a person believes only in evolution from a single-celled organism into an animal and then into a human and not the truth which is we are a created human by a loving God, then no wonder sex is the primary focus. Think about it, if you think you evolved from an animal, say a wolf, why wouldn’t you act like one? Why wouldn’t you want to procreate as many times and as often as you possibly could just to see what your future generations will evolve into? Or at the very least you could say that the reason you are so out of control in behavior, attitudes, aggressiveness, and sexually is because your ancestry hasn’t evolved far enough from the animal kingdom. It is a great argument for your lack of self-control and discipline. Right? You kill because you want to satisfy some primal need in you or you rape because satisfaction is all that you are looking for regardless of who you hurt. You might even make an argument that a process of de-evolution is taking place, that humans have come to the highest evolutionary point they can and now are regressing back to their primal animal ancestry. What nonsense.
The truth is that humans are created by a loving God and therefore have within their bodies the capacity to have some self-control. That is the truth! Sexual urges can be controlled and it is time we begin to admit that and to deal with that as a fact. Oh but Katherine, you just don’t understand about such things, men are visually aroused while women are mechanically aroused. Poppycock! Men who think they are visually aroused have been brainwashed into thinking they are visually aroused because it takes the pressure from them to control their sexual urges. Such logic allows men to blame others, mainly women, for their own lack of self-control. I am tired of hearing how visual men are, they are not visually aroused, they are sin aroused, period!
Where do I get my weird ideas about sex and arousal? From the Bible, of course. Take some time to study the life of Joseph, a handsome young man who was so desirable that his slave owner’s wife wanted to have sex with him. The boss is away, the wife and employee will play, right? I mean what read-blooded man wouldn’t take advantage of such a juicy situation as that?
Now Joseph had been taken down to Egypt. Potiphar, an Egyptian who was one of Pharaoh’s officials, the captain of the guard, bought him from the Ishmaelites who had taken him there. The Lord was with Joseph so that he prospered, and he lived in the house of his Egyptian master. When his master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord gave him success in everything he did, Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him in charge of his household, and he entrusted to his care everything he owned, Genesis 39:1-4, (New International Version or NIV).
The story continues.
So Potiphar left everything he had in Joseph’s care; with Joseph in charge, he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate. Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he refused. “With me in charge,” he told her, “my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her, Genesis 39:6-10, (NIV).
If you subscribe to the theory of evolution then Joseph was closer to the animal kingdom than we are today and yet Joseph didn’t have a sexual problem. Why? Because he knew that God was the creator of humans and that God was worthy of serving and obeying. Joseph knew the law of God and followed it and God prospered Joseph. Oh yes, there is more to the story and you can read it and learn from it.
There are many other examples in the Bible. For instance in the Old Testament Daniel and his fellow captives Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were in their early teens when they were taken from their homeland and families. They had every chance to live undisciplined lives but they didn’t. You can read all about these young men in the early part of the book of Daniel. They were Godly young men who grew to be Godly old men. What about from the New Testament where Paul stated clearly in several passages about the need to be sexually pure. In First Corinthians 7:7 he states that he wishes men would stay single as he is but he also talks about the need to be married for some who cannot control their sexual desires. Clearly the implication here is that Paul could control his sexual impulses. These are but a few of the examples the Bible has to offer on the subject of sexually being under control by individuals.
Okay so how do we control our sexual thought life? The first verses that come to mind are to keep our minds occupied with good thoughts.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you, Philippians 4:4-9, (NIV).
I doubt that Paul was thinking about a porn addiction while in the prisons or dungeons or while making tents or speaking in the synagogues or shipwrecked. He was too busy rejoicing and passing on the good news of Jesus Christ. If we follow his example or Joseph, Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and countless other examples from the Bible, there are some clues in how to stop believing the lies of our culture concerning sex.
• Stay focused on God, on Jesus on the good news of the Gospel
• Rejoice and spend time reading and meditating on scripture
• Be busy about the Lord’s work
• Don’t let your mind wander to places it doesn’t need to go
• Take captive your thoughts and think only on what is good and pure
• Think about the truth about sex, it is for marriage only, it is not for the single person
• Think about what is noble, is porn really noble…I think not
• Think about what is right, is it right in God’s eyes to go bed hopping…no
• Think about who you admire, and why you admire them…probably not because of sex
• Think about who you are and who you want to be and then work to become that person
• Apply to your life the truths of God and you will be a better person
• Embrace being single and enjoy life without sex and stop believing the lies
Until next time…Katherine