I was reading a slide presentation on the internet last night and it was supposed to be reasons women were not remarrying after divorce. First of all I felt it was really unfair since the age range of these women was from something like 29 years to 34 years of age. Oh please! There are many women from many age groups that have gone through the pain and suffering of divorce and I thought to myself that the reasons given were really shallow. One woman supposedly said that she never wanted to go through a big wedding again and if she remarried it would be a small affair. Honey, if that’s your only reason for never getting married again then you have no clue how the rest of us feel. Another said that she had been married twice and her first was a big wedding with something like 200 guests while the second was smaller with something like 50 guests. She went on to say that if she remarried she would elope. Really? At your age you are married and divorced twice already? Sweetie, what in the world were you thinking marriage is, a revolving door of weddings? So I sat down and made my own list of reasons I don’t wish to remarry.
1). Age…I am 61 years old and why in the world would I want to marry again? I mean let’s face it, after being married for more than half my life I am enjoying being single again.
2). Sex…it is overrated. Now don’t get me wrong, sex within the bounds of marriage is all I am interested in and God has helped those feelings stop which certainly aids my celibate life, but honestly I just don’t need a sexual life anymore. Those days are done, long in the past now and I am not interested in reviving them! Besides, I already know that I am sexy! Why flaunt perfection?
3). I’m not lonely. I have a long list of things that I want to accomplish before I leave this world and this list will keep me pretty busy for a long time. Besides I agree with my Mom. While she was alive she would say to me that she didn’t really get lonely, after all if she did she would just pick up another book and read and her loneliness was forgotten. I inherited her library and her philosophy! Thanks Mom!
4). I don’t need to prove anything to anyone anymore! When I was married I always felt like I needed to prove that I was good enough, smart enough, sexy enough, whatever….and now I don’t have to prove anything. I love that about my life! I already know that I am good enough!
5). Trust…I’ll tell you the truth; I have a trust issue with men. I think that any woman who has been through the pain of being cheated on, put down, abused, or abandoned knows what I am talking about. I just don’t want to be hurt again and to trust a man in a relationship would be placing myself into a vulnerable position where I would have to learn to trust again. So why put myself in that position?
6). I don’t need another project. So often I found myself in my married state as the fixer. I have read that men think they are the fixers but in my life I find that women are more often than not placed into that role. I don’t want to fix another broken human being ever again and that’s the project I’m talking about here!
7). I’m retired as the promoter. In my years of marriage I was great at promoting whatever career my husband was in, house painter, military spouse, college student, physician…and look where it landed me! Smack into divorce country and so I have decided that I don’t want to promote anyone but me from here on. While I was great at being a spin-doctor I am much happier being retired from all that. I will say, though, that I do promote one thing, that in my opinion the world would be so much better off and all those who live on this planet would be so much happier and more fulfilled if everyone became a follower of Jesus Christ! That idea I will promote, but nothing else!
8). I like sleeping alone. I like sprawling out all over my king size bed and relaxing and sleeping at a time that is convenient to me and not someone else. And besides I don’t hear snoring anymore, oh such joy!
9). No more waiting. It seemed like in my marriage that I spent far too much time waiting for someone else to get their act together even for something as simple as coming home for supper. Now I am released from that burden and I like that!
10). I’m past the stage of being attractive and I know it! Boy do I know it! If anyone even close to my age try to tell you that they don’t have wrinkles, scars, bulges, and grey hair then I will tell you that they are liars. Either they lie or they have everything tucked, colored, and removed! There’s only so much that spandex, hair dye, and make-up can hide and that is why we all wear clothes! I don’t want to share my battle scars with anyone, not even a doctor at a yearly check-up!
11). I feel secure…probably for the first time in many years I feel safe and secure. Oh I don’t mean that I was abused or anything like that but there is a gut feeling that haunted me for many years in my marriage that things were not always what they seemed. Turns out I was right and now I feel emotionally safe and secure! I wouldn’t trade that feeling for anything!
12). Fear…I have to admit it. I am fearful of remarriage because I don’t want to find out that the second time around is the same as the first time around. I don’t want to find out that there is no such thing as second chances. I don’t want to be vulnerable again, not at my age anyway!
Finally I just have to say that I really feel happy being single. I feel safe being single. I feel refreshed being single. I am healthier being single. My life is easier being single. I can make my own decisions about many things now that I am single. I never have to eat certain foods ever again, foods that my husband loved and I loved to cook for him but personally disliked. I can decide what car to drive or what restaurant to eat at or when to plan a trip to see my family. I love that about my life as a single woman.
Most of you may not know but I eloped in my first marriage and sometimes I think it would be great fun to plan an actual wedding and have a real honeymoon and feel the love of a man and to know what it is like to be cherished. But in the end the truth is at my age this ship has already sailed. Now if you all think you know a guy who knows a guy who thinks they would love to marry an old, overweight, intelligent, slightly wrinkled, highly opinionated, educated, tired of cooking, tired of cleaning, happy to spend all day writing, not financially well off, white-haired Conservative Christian woman, tell him I know a few women who might be interested but probably not me! (Okay, if he has money and looks like Paul Newman did back in the day I might be interested! After all I have learned in my life to never say never!)