I was thinking about home today. Home means so much to me. It is my childhood home where I felt snug as a bug in a rug, especially in my Daddy’s big and strong arms. It was a place where I could feel safe one hundred percent of the time. It was the place where I learned my first’s in life. I learned to crawl, walk, run, cook, drive, and get along with other people. It was a place where I knew that when I was ill someone would take care of me. It was a place where I knew others loved me and wanted me to succeed. It was where I learned the value of family life and to love my elders and to appreciate all that they do even if they all lived in different places and had different ways of doing things. It was a place to dream and to wonder at what the future would hold. It was a place to grow and experience many different things. It was my childhood home.
I also remember my first apartment, that excitement of feeling I was grown and had my own way to make in the world. It was lacking many of the comforts of my childhood home. For instance I had no television to watch and I could barely afford to have a phone. Many times I skipped meals to pay the rent but it was my home…my first independent from my family home. I had girl friends that came and stayed the night. I had several apartment roommates that helped me make the rent. I had neighbors who were interesting and fun to get to know. I had little time to be there because I was working full-time and going to college full-time so I was a very busy young woman at eighteen years of age. But it was home. It was a place of freedom and learning that freedom doesn’t always mean things are free. It was a place where I learned what true loneliness was as well and how quiet a room really could be when there was no television to watch or no person to talk to. It was a place where I grew up, my first apartment, my home.
I had another home that I became very fond of and that was my first home as a married woman. This time home meant sharing everything with my husband. I had not slept with anyone in the same bed for many years, not since my sister and I slept together as children. It was strange and awkward and yet oh so exciting and fun. I worked hard to make my home the safe haven for my children as they made their entrance into the world. I wanted them to feel as safe and loved as I had in my childhood home. I cooked nutritious foods and made homemade bread and pies and cookies and learned to cook Chinese food and became a fairly good cook. I also entertained many people in my home as a married woman. I enjoyed seeing other people come to enjoy fellowship in my home and food seemed to be a way to bring people together and so I cooked many meals for others to enjoy in my home. I grew more mature in my married home. I learned to endure and persevere and survive the storms of life there. I learned to dig deeper into my God’s teachings and cling to the promises while in my married home. It was a time of being a wife and a mother and loving almost every minute of that precious time. Far too soon those little chicks grew up and went into their own homes and my family home was empty and soon it was filled with the laughter of a little boy adopted from China. Being his Mom has taught me so much about parenting that I had forgotten or perhaps never really knew. After all, boys are different from girls even when rearing them up into adulthood. My married home was a safe haven for all who entered until one day…
And then I was in my divorced home. It was as awkward feeling as the beginning of my married home had been. Learning to sleep alone in a bed was difficult. I felt like a duck out of water and I felt so vulnerable as I had never felt before. Tears were healing but they came far too often. And being a single Mom was not my choice and yet I had to keep going and make a life of my own and be the best Mom I could be to a lovely little boy adopted from China. I dug even deeper into my Christian beliefs and read the Bible with a thirst I had never felt before. I learned how to feel comfortable again. I felt safe and a sense of freedom that I had not felt since my first apartment. It has taken some time but I can say now that I have a future as a single woman again. I now enjoy being Mom to adults and still enjoy the privilege of being the Mom of a twelve-year-old. And it is in my post-divorce home that I have enjoyed the most extraordinary things, first and foremost is being a Grandma! What a delight my little granddaughter is to watch and enjoy. Her parents are doing a fine job rearing her and I love to see them grow and experience the full force of parenthood. I have learned something else in my post-divorce home and that is to be independent once more. I can make my own choices and do. I can decide who I want to have as friends. I can enjoy making new friendships and rekindling old friendships and I feel settled. I am not looking for another marriage so I feel secure in my post-divorce home. I can be me again and I don’t worry about what others might think. If I have the opportunity to go to dinner with adults I go and have a good time. I don’t need to wait for another to make the decision as to whether we will go or not. I just go and have a good time! I can invite whomever I want to my home and not have to worry about what another thinks of them. I am making a good life as a single woman in my post–divorce home and I like who I am. That speaks volumes to me. But there is another home that I long for.
“Let not your heart be troubled. Believe in God and believe in me.” “There are many lodgings in my Father’s house, and if not, I would have told you, because I go to prepare a place for you.” “And if I go prepare a place for you, I shall come again and bring you to join me, that where I am you shall be also.” “And where I am going, you know, and you know the way.” John 14:1-4, (Aramaic Bible In Plain English).
I long for my home with Jesus in the palace of God! I long for my eternal home where I will no longer be living in a temporary home. I long to see my family and friends who have gone on ahead of me and will be my brothers and sisters in that new home. I long to meet the saints of old and to hear firsthand their stories that I am only able to read about here on this earth. I long for Jesus and God, my Father in Heaven! I long for my future home where there will be no pain, no sorrow, no suffering, no guilt, no shame, no tears, and most of all, no sin. I grow weary of this world and the shameful things that go on in this world and I long to be home with Jesus. He is preparing my room. I wonder what color the walls will be. I wonder if there will be a window. Will it be near the river of life? I wonder how large it will be. Will I need to sweep the dust from it? I can hardly wait to see it because the One who is building it, preparing it for me, is so awesome that I am sure my room will be awesome too! I hope you are longing for your Heavenly home too.