It has been nearly ten years and I just want to say thank you. I never realized just who I really am until you broke my heart. We married rather young and I had no experience dating or with relationships and I thought you didn’t have any experience either. I jumped into our marriage thinking that the loneliness I was experiencing would fade away. After all you were my prince and I was your princess and we would live happily ever after. I was so positive that we would build our life together and it would be a good life, a solidly built life grounded in Jesus Christ. So I worked hard and so did you to make the rent and pay the bills. I tried so hard to make you happy. You were a challenge for sure and it wasn’t until after our marriage that I realized you were the most negative person I had ever known. My positive attitude seemed to balance us and carried us through many difficult times. I guess every person who enters into a marriage has some expectations and I expected you to be the person to save me from loneliness and you seemed to expect that I would save you from negativity. As the years passed by we added three beautiful children to our home and I was busy and so were you. I had no time to think about what I needed or desired. I was too busy helping our children to have a good family life and helping you to build a career. We worked together as a team and accomplished the rearing of three to adulthood and you into two careers. And then we adopted the most precious little guy from China and my time was once again not my own. Little did I realize just how much you and I both had changed and how our lives would change forever.
I can’t hate you because hate is not something I care to do; it takes far too much energy. I would so much rather forgive and for the most part I believe that I have forgiven you, although you have never asked me to. But what I want to tell you and probably will never have the chance is thank you. Thank you for our children because they are lovely and I adore them. Thank you for the challenge to my life. I thought I would die if you ever left me, but I didn’t. Your leaving me has actually helped me to develop my own life and my own likes and dislikes, something that had never really happened before. I also finally finished my education and proved something to myself and to our family that I am not as dumb as I always thought I was. In the past ten years I have grown up and blossomed into my own and I like who I am. I can eat what I want when I want to and not wait for you to come home and I do what I want to do and not take into consideration your likes and dislikes. I can spend an evening doing what I want to do and not worry about what you are thinking. I can laugh or cry or dance or play the piano or visit family and friends without working around your schedule. I can eat chili and do without having to make fried rice for you. I go to church and Sunday School and learn as much as I can about God. I can feel a freedom that I never felt ever and while I do not go wild I do enjoy it. But most of all I want to say thank you because I now know who I am and what I believe and feel stronger than I have ever felt. I see life with the eyes of truth and not with rose-colored glasses. I see reality and not fantasy. I have no regrets and my conscience is clear. I was not always easy to live with and now I see why because now I know the whole truth and that is such a relief. Thank you for breaking my heart because God used you to make me stronger and wiser and more faithful to Him.
Thank you for more than thirty years of friendship and I wish you well in your life. I know you will never read this but to those who do I hope that they will see the good in God and how He has worked in my life, through good times and not so good times. While I do not really relish living out the “golden years” alone I know from the past ten years that I will be fine because God will watch over me and meet my needs whether they are financial, emotional, physical, or spiritual. What more does a person really need? With God all things are possible even forgiving the man who broke my heart.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:4-13, (New International Version).
Today I rejoice. Today I can think about the thirty something years of marriage to the man who broke my heart and I can rejoice and I can remember the lovely and the true and noble memories. Today I can live in peace. Today I can say that God has given me the strength to move forward in life and so I rejoice. To you who broke my heart I say thank you because had you not left nearly ten years ago I would never have learned the most important lessons in my life. I have learned that money and things do not define me. I have learned that pride goes before a fall just as Proverbs says. I have learned that joy is so much more lasting than happiness. I have learned that God uses many situations to teach and mold and perfect. I have a lot more to learn and I seek God in everything I do and that is a blessing. Thank you for breaking my heart because it has made me stronger than I ever thought possible.