I heard from my son that a certain someone thinks I am a controlling Mother and does not allow him any freedom. Hmmm! I have contemplated this thought and here is my response as an open letter to everyone that thinks this about me or any other single parent facing a similar situation. So you think I am too controlling of my son. Well guess what? You are absolutely correct, I am controlling.
I have taught my son to control his anger and frustration for many years now. From the beginning he has never understood why some people want to intrude into his life unwelcome and undesired. Many times over the years I have had an angry and confused and frightened little boy whom I have helped to control his emotions by wrapping my arms tightly around him to calm him and rock him and soothe him when things aren’t as he would like them to be.
I have taught him to control his tongue and not say anything except kind and good words. He thinks before he speaks so that the words that come out of his mouth are true and honest and worth hearing. I have taught him to ignore anything he deems inappropriate that he might hear. I have taught him to remain calm and ignore and tolerate when it is necessary. I have taught him to be kind in speech to everyone regardless of who they are.
I have taught my son to control his emotions and to live his life grounded in reality rather than in a state of fantasy. He is becoming a solid and stable young man who does not and will not have a life that is frenzied or chaotic. I am sure that he will be a man of integrity and will bring pleasantness to every life he touches.
I have taught my son to control his behavior because a man who practices self-discipline is rare these days and we need more of them. He is learning to do a good job at whatever he is asked to do. He is taught not to lie or cheat or hate anyone. Rather he is learning that loyalty to one’s family and to one’s friends and to one’s country and to one’s God is the hallmark of a good Christian. And he wants to be pleasing to God above all else.
I have taught my son to control his attitude. I have taught him to love freely and without prejudice. I have taught him to be positive regardless of the negativity surrounding him. I have taught him that real winners are not the richest or the most handsome or the ones who drive a fancy car but the ones who live their life pleasing God and not themselves. In return God is blessing him with good and wonderful attitudes that not only glorify God but benefit others who are fortunate enough to know him.
I have taught my son to control his opinions and to make sure that he keeps disapproving opinions to himself. There is nothing worse than to listen to someone who expounds their opinions on everything without taking other people’s feelings into consideration. He has opinions and when it’s appropriate he shares them but when it’s inappropriate he doesn’t.
I have taught my son to control his life by living with integrity, honesty, mercy, grace, and a willingness to be helpful and useful to others. He has a servant’s heart and that is not a character flaw but a blessing! He knows how to entertain himself as well as get along with others and to work with others well. Sometimes he struggles like we all do but he is learning to be a man without the input of many men and I am proud of him as I know many others are as well.
So you were right, I am controlling of my son. You may think he needs a cell phone but doesn’t need one because he doesn’t want one. The reason is quite simple; he has Skype on his computer and uses it often to talk face-to-face with friends and family members who are interested in him. He has the freedom to use the landline anytime he wants to call whomever he wants and often does exactly that. He doesn’t need criticism or innuendos that his Mom is not doing her job well. What he needs is love and support and acceptance, something his Mom gives freely to him.
To all who are reading this, I hope that you will choose your words carefully when talking about someone you may not particularly like in front of someone else. Words are not easily forgotten especially when they are meant to hurt rather than build up. It makes me think of a scripture.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:29-32, (New International Version).
My intent in writing this post is not to put anyone down but rather to remind all of us that we need to be careful with our words and our attitudes. We need to be uplifting to others and be a blessing rather than a curse. My son is a wonderful young man and I hope that everyone who knows him can see just how wonderful he really is. My hope is that they will see what they deem as controlling is not a bad thing. Someone needs to be in control of a child’s/youth’s life and teach them to control their own behavior, actions, attitudes, and minds and bodies. Somebody needs to step up and thankfully I have been that someone! It is called parenting and every child needs good parenting! Or otherwise our world will be a bigger mess than it already is! Hang in there single parent and keep doing your job well. Don’t be discouraged by what others imply. Realize that you are not alone on this journey in life, you have God, you have Jesus, and you have the Holy Spirit as well as many friends and family members and church family members that are cheering you on! God bless you for being a good parent!